Nashville, Goodbyes, Getting Going

I returned yesterday from a week at home. It was the first time since last Christmas that I'd been home for an occasion other than a wedding, so it was nice to have a little time to just be at home. Fighting over the crossword puzzle with my dad, listening to my brother bang away on the piano, cooking with my mama, snuggling up with my goooood kitty Buster - these are the things that make home home. It's warm and cozy and smells good, and I love it.

Outside of the Bucy household, however, there were a million people who wanted to know, "Where are you now? What are you doing?"

Answering these questions over and over again became a bit tedious, but sharing my plans with people made it real in a way it wasn't before. When are you leaving? Oh, January 12th. Whoa - that's like two weeks away. Huh, yeah, I guess it is. AAACK!

But getting to tell people about this South American adventure is fun! I was describing to a friend how good it felt to get to tell everyone what I am doing and to know that I am the envy of everyone who is living a quiet, settled down life. Her response to all of my gloating was, "you're such a bitch". Thanks, dear, for always putting me in my place:)

In all seriousness, though, it's always interesting to reconnect with long-ago friends, and of course, it's impossible (at least for me) to not compare lives - who is living the better life? Who has made the better choices? It's pretty fascinating that so many people starting out from the same place could go in so many different directions.

What I found as the week wore on, and I continued to tell and listen and compare, is that it's really not fair to make such comparisons. And "better" is meaningless. For each element of my life that one of my friends envies me, there are several elements of their lives that I envy. My friends who are busy growing babies in their bellies may envy my ability to pick up and go and do and see, but I very much envy the lives they are creating, the roots they are putting down.

But you cannot have it all. At least not all at once. So you make decisions based on what feels good for YOU. So I travel now.

And I start saying goodbyes now. I got really upset the other day, saying goodbye to my grandmother. She doesn't understand what I am doing - or if she understands, she doesn't get it. And I can't expect her to. She's of a different generation. But I did finally see her trying to be supportive. She had me bring over a Spanish-English dictionary, and then she started giving me some very basic "lessons" in Spanish. ("And they have these little things called tildies, that make the words sound like eeeenya.") So I let her teach me a few things, and she let me put my departure date on her calendar, and it was touching. During the visit I had paid her a few days prior, I brought up Buenos Aires, and she said, "I just hate to see you do that, baby, but it's none of my business". That broke my heart of course, but it equally broke my heart to watch her put on a smile and accept it a few days later. She's a tough cookie. I hope I can be something of the woman she is someday.

Tough as these goodbyes have been and are going to be, I also get to start packing now! Pops got me all geared up at REI a few days ago. That's his way of being supportive of this effort - making sure I have a good backpack and a swiss army knife (with a corkscrew!) and a flashlight and don't you need some of those water purification tablets and how about some good sturdy walking shoes and maybe some hiking poles!

So as soon as I finish my coffee here, I am going to walk myself down to the UPS store, buy some boxes, and then try to start packing up my room and sending the boxes down to Nashville. And once that's done, I am going to move myself over to Brooklyn to casa Maria doll face, who is kindly putting me up until my departure date. Which is two weeks from today, by the way. I will write in my next post about my growing panic.