Resolutions and Reflections

I have to say, I have written a TON this year (even if it’s not quite enough for some of you!) I thought I might actually be able to sit down and breeze through everything in a couple hours, but I only read through as far as leaving Bariloche before I just could not read any more!

But, wow. Those first two months in Argentina. What an unbelievable experience. It was overwhelming and challenging and stimulating and absolutely wonderful. Bjorn and I both have been having an overload of nostalgia for Argentina lately – thinking about it just makes me want to get on a plane and relive the whole thing. It was…everything.

The physical location of Argentina is certainly a huge part of, but it was also such a mentally stimulating time for me. The language, the culture – it was a time of enormous growth. Every day, especially during the seven weeks I was in classes, felt so PRODUCTIVE. I was filling myself up with new things, exhausting my brain, and really, truly accomplishing something.

The NZ trip has felt so completely different from the South America trip, and I think, at least thus far, the difference comes in the lack of challenge. It’s apparent in the blog – I feel like I have nothing to write about because my days here feel so mundane, and I don’t have too many stories that I think you’d all be interested in. It’s all restaurant bitching and gossiping – I feel like even Bjorn and I talk of nothing but the silly restaurant! Go away, restaurant! I didn’t come to NZ to stress about you!

So much of NZ is so familiar. In terms of international travel, it’s probably about as challenging for an American as going to Canada. Not very. Sure, there are little Kiwi peculiarities, and there’s that silly little accent of theirs, but, at the end of the day, it’s Western culture. The challenges – the good stuff – are next to none.

The greatest challenge I am experiencing right now? Motivating myself to get through the next two weeks of work. I somehow feel almost exactly like I did in the weeks before I left New York for Argentina, just without the dread and utter anxiety of getting on that plane.

It seems to me that if I’ve learned anything from this time of working in Akaroa, it’s how completely amazing backpacking around a country is. That freedom of waking up every day, wondering what you’re going to do or where you’ll go next. Not having to live the same day over and over again! That’s what it is! Not having to wake up to that damned alarm and know exactly what’s ahead of you for the next nine hours.

Of course, for me, this repetitiveness is complicated by the fact that I’m waitressing. On my feet all day. Listening to whining tourists make special requests for their dietary needs or those of their 2 year old, or complain about why did THAT table get their food before us when WE were here before them?! There is more to life, people! I want to tell them. You’re wasting your life feeling negative about waiting for your food!

And I? I am wasting mine feeling negative about serving these people.
But seriously, what I have learned from waitressing in Akaroa is that this “simple life” I’ve fantasized so much about doesn’t exist. Or it doesn’t exist the way I thought it might. You can live simply – you can wash your clothes by hand and hang them on the line, you can avoid the racket of the television or the cell phone or the computer, whatever. You can do all that stuff, but you can’t just take any ole job to bring in some money.

At the end of the day, if you don’t have something seriously meaningful to you at the center of your day (and that cannot only be your very meaningful relationship with your special someone) – something PRODUCTIVE and REAL to do with your time – you’re not going to be happy. At least I am not. I cannot function without meaning. I hit such extremely high notes in South America because every day was full – full of novelty and beauty and growth. My blog was interesting then because I was at my best, personally. I was in love with my life.

Sometimes I think perhaps I am asking too much of life for my days to be as full as they were in South America. Am I asking too much? I understand that my life cannot be one big high note – at least not the ins and outs of everyday life – but, neither should it be one big boring foghorn blare. That’s just not going to work for me. I need to be facing challenges, and I need to genuinely care whether I overcome them. Giving me challenges that I don’t care about? Yelling at me because I missed a spot mopping the restaurant floor yesterday morning? Booooring.

And so, I am challenging myself to a little writing. It’s 2009. I have a fresh page! (And I literally have a fresh page because Bjorn got me a beeeautiful new journal for Christmas. He’s so good.)

I’m not sure what the challenge ought to be – that I’ll write SOMETHING every day? Even if it’s one sentence.Yes, I should write something every day. But I cannot be that strict with myself on the blog. I resolve to write in the blog…twice a week. Something every day for myself, and twice a week for the blog. That’s reasonable. New Year’s resolutions are best when small.

Okay, okay, okay! Where has this entry gone! What am I talking about? Reading through the oldest entries just got me very juiced up and thinking all kinds of crazy things!

It’s time to move on! Greener pastures! And so it is. We are taking off in just over two weeks. We have vaguely mapped out our first few stops, but other than that, the trip shall create itself day by day. It will be so refreshing and wonderful, and I simply cannot wait!

But you’ll be hearing from me before then, now that I’ve laid down these writing resolutions. Arrrrgh!

Photos for you! Enjoy! And much, much love to you all.

http://picasaweb.google.com/ellen.bucy